Sad Days ..

Having a very sad days, seems as though I'm still not ready, not sure how yet how I’ll pick up all the falling pieces of a neglected life; been giving it my all. Thought it would be enough to transition?

Guess I am not perfectly peaceful, because that’s the only way I get love and freedom. Got to be perfect, at least that is how it seems to me sometimes. Though having partnership, mutual support, community, family, a chance to do this with both feet in, a fucking chance to actually be free and self expressed and totally dedicated to this purpose would have happened…..

Mummy and daddy think I'm a way stronger than I think. I’m trying to embrace more isolation and loneliness and scrapping by all the while continuing to shamanize for everybody. Just can't see how this can happen this week, seems impossible. How much danger am I in, is that why, GOD DAMMIT I wish I knew! I love all people, these circumstances just seem cruel. I want to crawl in a hole and cry for a week.